July 31, 2004
Cross JunctionThere is something very calming about cross junctions. At least, that was how I felt yesterday, standing infront of IOI plaza, waiting for my Dad to pick me up after having a late night out with Eug and his pals.
Likely cos I was at a place that I wasn't expecting myself to be at. Cos the last time I was around the area, I was not really myself. I was someone, who, on retrospect, doesn't feel like me. It's that kinda feeling, like... did that really happened to me? And the answer is yes and no at the same time and I don't know which one makes me feel better about myself and my past (which is something quite important to me now since I have decided that I am not a 'nice' person, not just that anyway).
Anyway, there I was standing, at the traffic light, watching how the lights turn from green to amber to red and back to green, the flashing green men, the predictability of it all. And it brought to mind what Eug asked earlier in the evening - whether I'm the kind who believes life is random or there is some pre-arrangement in life.
And it brought to mind my students in school. Structures and routines are very important to them. It makes them feel safe and settled and therefore, enables them to cope with the other details of living their everyday (different) life. Little things like going to the toilet and finding out the tap is spoiled can freak them out immensely and they go through the rest of the day with a tight fist and tantrums (of which I've been a victim many times).
Ever since I read Meisen's term paper on waiting in the everyday life, I find myself asking what the hell I'm waiting for almost every time I'm waiting for something. Especially when I'm physically tired or mentally spent, I'd always consider not waiting. But, I'm not that much different from most people. I hate pain, hate knowing I would feel pain.
So, think I'd still just wait... and wash it from my mind, the memory of choosing not to fight.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 15:53
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The last song I remember hearing from you... "Bring me to life". I don't think you meant that as an irony. But, isn't it amazing how life works?Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 02:44
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"Remember"Had a very engaging evening with Eugene just now. We went to Torino's (sounds familiar, ref 25 Jul). We talked about our work, which then flowed onto education, and then relationship and marriage, then politics, then character... Then, pool, played pool.
For those of you who have yet to make the connection from previous posts or yet to read them, Eugene is my 'knight'. He acknowledges this term of reference rather graciously and I accept his referring to me as 'princess' rather shamelessly. That's the way we work. Oh, and of course plus a lot of guilt instilled in our friendship, mainly I'm the guilt-free one and he's the one with the burden cos he's basically, harder to 'date' out than me. And every one of our friends agrees. Though I wonder what reward does making him guilty entail for me...? It will still take him another dozen years to remember my birthday... (hoho)
Since I'm like introducing him now, might as well mention also that he's my pool teacher. He taught me pool when we were in our last year in NUS. He made the game interesting for me, rather than feeling spastic with the cue. He gave me lots tips and suggestions and was patient throughout. As of now, I can play pool as well as I can swim freestyle. (ho ho) But, hey! At least he remarked that I can cue well now. Just that my potting the ball has more to do with luck and the fact that 'accidents' happen, rather than skill. But, but, at least, I'm not whining about the cue position anymore. And I'm supposed to strip naked cos I lost the game miserably just now... I would like to think that he tried very hard to win. Ahh, i'm so flattered.
He said he would be astounded if I send him my wedding invitation within these 2 years. Don't worry, Handsome, my darling and I never quite saw the need to go through the ceremony.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 02:26
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Well, come home, pervert! Catch up with you soon!Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 02:24
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"Brain filtering"There's something wrong with me. I probably need to sleep more and earlier and need to filter the many thoughts and 'KIV's and 'to-do's and 'to-forget's that have been cramming my brain for the past month or so. Just this week alone:
Times I have used my keys to open the door and forgot to lock it: 3
Times I have used my keys to open the door and left my keys in the lock: 3
Times I have used my keys to lock the door and left the keys hanging in the lock: 1
Times I have sat on the bus, started thinking and missed my alighting bus-stop: 2
No big deal. Just that the above never happened to me before. I'm serious. Never.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 02:17
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July 28, 2004
Not me...It's not my fault that you have not been successful at both getting sex or booze. But I know you tried, and probably are still trying. 2 more days! hehe
And hey, I want to join in the discussion about religion too! How about doing that over a potluck? And the little chicken shit can show off his specialty chickie wings... not like I really care for it though.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 17:26
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Attn: FVBIt's mayonnaise. Eat it with your burger. Enjoy!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 17:17
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Plop!Honoured to be here... important to help the less fortunate...
And then, he went on to talk about a legitimate way to get rich. I wonder, in the crappy economic system that we are caught up with now, is there any legitimate way to get rich and not at the expense of the 'poorer'? I would say, the closest is to buy Toto and 4-D. Very legitimate attempts, without any real chance to strike it rich though. And we would then all be playing into the hands of the government.
And then, he went on to talk about social contract and how young couples these days are breaking the social contract by not marrying and then, not multiplying themselves. I think we are not breaking the social contract, we are changing the social contract. The government is just an unwilling signatory.
The hotel gave in to our 'request' and gave us a complimentary room. Nicest hotel room I've ever been in.
Thank goodness it's all over.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 17:01
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July 26, 2004
Courteous. Righteous. Edified. Dignified.Last Friday, the staff in our school was invited to attend the official reopening of our buddy school, Chong Boon Secondary. There were speeches, welcome dance, and a short play. The thing that struck a chord in me was how when asked to stand up to sing the school song, there was a unanimous sigh from the rear section where the student cohort was seated. Ahh, very familiar. So I see that some reactions never change. Nice.
Last Saturday, when I was sitting along the Esplanade (after being disappointed with a shooter from Harry's that looked like it's called - Brain Haemorrhage) with Wenn, we were reminiscing about our secondary school days. Coincidentally, when I met Juan for lunch today, she was asking if I ever called Mrs Cheng and that maybe we should call her up to find out how she's doing (I'd bet she's a little rich woman of leisure now).
I miss secondary school days. In fact, I was missing my JC days too, a few weeks back. And I thought to myself, if I can go to the extent of missing JC days, I must REALLY miss studying A LOT!
So, I guess that's the motivation for today. My Secondary alma mater? Zhonghua Secondary School. School motto?
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 18:47
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July 25, 2004
"Late robot"I think I'm running behind time. My world, my reality is lagging behind the clock by, erm, 2 weeks?
It's gonna be August soon! And I feel like I've just settled into July, just adjusted to dating --/7 on the assessment books of my tuition kids. The next thing I know, August is beckoning. Before I know it, I would be 24 yrs old 'officially', and then, Christmas will be here.
And the days just go by, and things, miraculously, just get done (ya, those of you who see days flew past without accomplishing anything you should can envy my uncanny level of productivity). I'm living behind time, but I still meet the deadlines that I should. Just that, I can't really recall what happened to make things work like they should. Is there something wrong with me?
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:09
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"Forget Boom Boom Room"I met Wenn yesterday to hang out at this place called Torino's, which I chanced upon when I was out with Meisen and the postgrad company. It's at China Square Central, which is quite a different place from China Square, which is also different from Far East Square... and who bothers? sigh.
However, by the time we reached, it was closed, 'prematurely', cos business is bad. They do have very interesting desserts and coffees but it's a shame the location is bad. Anyway, since we were there, Wenn and I decided to walk around a bit. That began our little discovery of night life in the Raffles Place area.
Just opposite China Square Central, there were people dancing some sorta mass dance. The music sounded like Thai, like the kind China Dolls would sing. The interesting thing was that most of the people who were dancing didn't look Thai.
Then, we walked on to Far East Square. Now, we all know Far East Square is a bustling lunch place during weekdays. I have been there many times with Mel and Joyce before too. But, I didn't know that all along the outside of Far East Square, there is a little flea market every Saturday and Sunday. As Wenn and I walked on, we saw things like Hello Kitty soft toys, Astro boy figurines (which Wenn really liked), the toys I played when I was much younger, handheld 'Brick Games', and little animal figurines made with coloured dough.
We were really quite fascinated. I asked one of the stall aunties about the place and learnt that the rent is a mere 10 bucks per day, for 12noon till 10pm on every Sat and Sun.
So, since Wenn and I would be at a loss where to hang out after the end of Fat Frog, we thought and decided that we would engage Apple as our supplier and rent a space to sell sex toys. Hmm? = P
And near where Boom Boom Room is, there is a Teh Tarik Store that's quite popular with the Raffles Place lunch crowd. And just outside that, we heard singing. This is definitely an elderly version of Fat Frog Cafe. There were old uncles and aunties singing karaoke impromptu, and some were playing Chinese musical instrument like Er-hu and the flute. The kind of songs that were sung are to the likes of 'Rong2 Shu4 Xia4' - our parents' era. This is really really neat, I tell you. And children were crowding around the stall where a lady was modelling little animal figurines out of dough, families were seated at the Teh Tarik Store, chatting and listening to the impromptu Karaoke. Boom Boom Room is just so out of place there, if not to provide an interesting contrast to the scene there.
Wenn and I walked on. We walked to Club Street, and Ann Siang Hill. This is a place that was actually promoted as a hip clubbing place for expats and locals working in the artistic field. Alas, someone must have tampered with the Fengshui there. Still, I think the cafes, pubs and restaurants there make up a good assortment that is very different from those in or near our familiar shopping centres. Most of them look really inviting, cosy and the interior differs from one Italian restaurant to another. It's really nice. And the best thing? It's quiet, much more quieter than those in town. So, I think it's good place if you just want to have a cosy place to chill out with your mates.
Ann Siang hill is one of the heritage conservation sites in Singapore. What interested Wenn and me most was this 'Gym and Spa' place called R** (don't quote a place I dunno anything of). We highly suspect that it's a gay place. Imagine, there were swings hanging outside the entrance at the 2nd level, there were a few men (looked good and we agreed they had reasonably nice bodies) sitting there and we can look into what we think is the gym cos we could see gym equipment there. And the place looked elusive and concealed. This is like, hey, cool...
Wenn and I felt like semi-tourists walking around the area yesterday evening. I think, that's one of the few charms of Raffles Place. It's a very interesting place to visit and explore and do observations (in the daytime). But, terribly stifling to work in.
So... take a stroll there if you have the time but ran out of places to go. I think it's a good change of scenery from the usual Orchard Road, City Hall or Mohd Sultan stretch.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:57
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This thing about Blogger... or is it me... bloody hell! I can't seem to save my draft and retrieve them!!!!Guess what just happened to me? I typed a super long post about last evening I had with Wenn at the Ann Siang hill and raffles place area. And I wanted to edit it after previewing and i dunno which stupid finger of mine (must be the second one resting on the mouse) hit back icon... and I didn't even get to say Bye to my post.
After having done a lot of it at work, I really don't expect to take deep slow breaths during weekends. But now...
*breathe... it's ok.... Breathe...
ARGH!!!!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 15:12
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July 22, 2004
"Revisit"Friendster. 'cos Alexon wanted to add me to his list and write me a testimonial. I'm looking forward to it. Just that I wonder what would he say about me from our (only) 3 encounters.
What would I say about myself if I were to write myself a testimonial?
Too many contradictions about me and within me. Maybe I don't want to know anymore. Whatever.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:01
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"Stop. Now, breathe. Again. And again."Is that it? Okay. I've resigned to my (ill) fate, with respect to you.
Thank (your) God that we don't owe each other anything anymore.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:57
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July 21, 2004
"Till the next"I said it many times, and will say it again.
Take care. Be Disciplined. Be answerable to yourself.
Do the Club proud.
Check your emails. Blog!
Two times, but enough to last till the next. In between, expect to be made speechless.
Land safe.
p.s. We still love you. Just remember to get something for FB the next time when you come back. She's gonna rake this up every so often, and guess who will have to mediate between BB n FB?
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:21
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July 18, 2004
"It just feels more right when you are here."Kyn is back. YAY! For a short 5 days.
Thank you, for choosing to hang out with us the very minute you touched homeground. Yesterday meant as much to us, if not more, as we know it is to you.
Everything felt just right, just perfect when she joined us at Fat Frog. It felt completed, the circle closed. The right people, the right place, the right music. There is this feeling of blessing that truly moved me and suddenly, it seemed that there is one more star in the dark of the sky.
The kinda feeling I didn't know I was missing until I found it again.
I hope everyone in this crazy world is as fortunate as me to have at least one friend like the friend I have in you. Yes, you Bches are Simply Divine.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:57
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"Just when I thought I have you"I was at Fat Frog with Apple, Bblics and (much later) Kyn yesterday. Joe and Jem were there with their friends too. And for the first time since I terminated my crush on him last year, I think Joe is, still, cute. (haha)
Fat Frog... I suddenly realised the place is so much more prettier than I always thought I knew. In the past 1 year or so, this is the place that has mostly, inspired me and calmed me. It was where some of the best 'conversations (= silence)' I have with Bblics, the best chats I have with Eugene took place, and where, driven by exasperation, pain and helplessness, I did something totally out of character.
I know there are plenty more similar cafes to hang out at, with live singing and performances. However, those are not mine. For the past 1 year or so, Fat Frog has been the default place to hang out at on Saturday nights. And, just when I thought it will always be there, it will no longer be. A bit like the man I loved.
I dread 30th July.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:38
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July 16, 2004
"It's here! She's here!"Checkin in. 3pm. Bring alcohol, juices, titbits, pajamas, trash music, poker cards and DG CAM!!! Let the Rrrrendezzzvvvvoussss begin!
Hey, Bches, time to party!!! Less than 30 hours to go! And, I know we are all counting down! FVB> behave! Listen to instructions on the plane, have a safe trip and SLEEP! Or you'd be the first one to be wasted on vodka and bailey's. Sequel to Carnegies! ho!
Give what you can to waste me away, please! Hand me my poison! haha, just kidding, Darlings! Can't wait! ^_^
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:29
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WOW! New blog entry typing interface! Let's try...- Hi, I'm a bitch. A good Bitch. This is nice... IF ohh, the font is different!
Wow..cool! oki. 'Nuf!
Now for the keyboard shortcut... Ctrl+S...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 21:47
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July 15, 2004
"What a catch!"Little quiz for y'all.
1. Can you tell the difference between chive and spring onion?
2. Can you tell the difference between spinach and kailan?
3. Can you tell the difference between minced beef and minced pork?
4. Can you tell when spaghetti is cooked to al dente?
5. Can you tell if a fish is fresh?
6. Do you know what is the 'rubbing-in' method in baking?
7. Do you know what is the 'folding-in' method in baking?
8. Do you know what's the common use of cornflour in chinese cooking?
9. Can you tell a shallot from a garlic? How about from an onion?
10. Do you know what is the best level of heat to stir fry food?
11. Can you marinate chicken wings?
12. Do you know how to use a can opener?
13. Do you know soft tofu can be eaten direct from the packaging?
These are just some of the questions that were posed in my kitchen skills training session at work. And, I was a bit taken aback that all these questions, to which I know all the answers, were genuine questions from some of my colleagues (most older than me, btw).
I don't claim to be a good cook. Matter of fact, I hardly cook. But, that's really because there's no need for me to since my Ma cooks all the meals at home (and she's an amazing cook). But, see, I'm really close to my Ma. So, during all the time I was growing up and even now, I would stand beside her and chat with her while she does her cooking. And, I would help her with simple stir-fry, chopping, marinating, and being inquisitive about the things I put into my mouth, I ask a lot of questions. Plus, I go to the wet market (not just supermarket) to buy ingredients for the week with my Ma whenever I can. In fact, it's my favourite Sunday morning activity. That's how I equipped myself with a little knowledge in culinary art. I didn't know my little knowledge would appear to be a lot to one of my colleagues, who assumed and exclaimed that I must cook very well.
Laifa once commented that any girl can cook. He said that it's just a matter of opening the package and stuffing them into the microwave and doing her nails while waiting for the wonderful 'beep'.
I told him my idea of cooking really has nothing to do with the microwave. And he brushed that aside, saying I'm just different from most other girls.
Of course I am. Two reasons: I can cook if I need or if I want to, and I see food as a means to an end, so my favourite meal is simply, rice, steamed egg with minced pork, and stir-fried beansprouts with chilli.
Honestly, if I were a man, I would gladly marry myself (and not just for the above reasons). haha...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 17:26
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July 13, 2004
"... Maybe you are an angel?"So he sms-ed her, the sweetest thing at her most unexpected, and she will always remember. A smile that formed without her knowing, can only come from the heart, she will always remember. So, she will always imagine herself to be an angel, his angel... the one he may never see again but will always be there, keeping him in her prayers that he will never hear.
"Ya"
So he said, all that she wanted to hear. If and when one day she's gone, will he miss her? It's all every girl needs to know. No need for promises of forever; forever's too distant. Just one day in future, just bring up the thought of her and smile... that's enough, quite enough.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:09
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July 12, 2004
"Summer breeze"I just finished reading a magazine. In this issue is an article that talked about a married woman with kids bumping into her first love at NTUC (real unromantic place to have that kinda encounter) and started an extra-marital affair with him (and he's married with children too).
Think you believe in that thing about always remembering your first love and that it will always be the best one you will have in this life?
A couple months ago, I think I would say something like, the more regrets you have towards a past love, the more you will remember and keep holding on to it. And because our first shot at love is always our lousiest shot (after that, we learn from setbacks and experience), we tend to have more regrets there, ya? Makes sense? So, we keep wanting to have another shot, another chance to hopefully, make it work the next time round. "If I have another chance, I swear I would..." Sounds familiar?
A couple months later, and actually after having the chance to make it work but to realise it's not meant to work, it now feels like... "oh well! At least, no more regrets."
But, ya... Oh well, it's true. shit.
"How would I know the end is that I think of you, knowing there's no future for us?"
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 18:46
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July 11, 2004
"Bubble still in shock?"Met Joycey and Mel (and Bubble, i.e. Mel's doggy) for dinner yesterday. Then, we went to Siglap to hang out.
Honestly, girls, I was really missing you both some 2 weeks before. Missed the stupid, silly jokes (like 'painful sia'), the lame and out-of-point ones, and the very *duh* stories of your very *duh* bosses. But, cos my schedule's all packed, and weekends all taken up, I couldn't meet you both earlier than yesterday. But, I'm really glad to have met you both up yesterday. = )
We shall do this again soon eh! I know you both are getting busier in the office and with your work. So, do take care meanwhile. And I'd look forward to our next meeting!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:26
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July 08, 2004
Actually, this week's really hectic. Every evening in this week is taken up by something, and some are super boliao ones. shit. Honest. I don't like it when all my evenings in a week are taken up, especially some are really lousy appointments. Let me correct that. I don't like lousy appointments at all, don't care it's evening or anything else."Fuck quality"
I wonder why people bother to go through the whole process of setting up a bureacracy just to do charity. The whole bloody time and effort AND money that goes into building and establishing this bureaucracy could very well have gone into helping someone.
And then, I am kept being told this irritating thing about "We want quality in our club, don't compromise on anything." And I think, hullo??? This is not a business firm or a limited company. Hell, this is not NIKE (and even Nike's slogan says 'Just Do It!' and not on and on about we must this and we must that).
Quality help, if there's such a term, is about getting in the act and staying on the ground and get your hands dirty doing the job. NOT about how we should look professional while doing our meagre fund-raising. Total bullshit.
One last note. People think that by helping others in need of help, it says that they are more superior or more successful than them. The assumption made is problematic. We shouldn't really go into helping people thinking they are less fortunate or successful than you. That's pity. And pity, they have no need of. Many of these 'less fortunate' people live happier and more meaningful lives than most of us. They'd be helping you more with their strength and optimism in life instead of vice versa.
We are all chicken shit. Remember that. And oh yes, Fuck that thing about quality.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 18:20
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July 05, 2004
" The hand that rocks the cradle...2"A friend just told me she suspects she might be pregnant. In fact, she's pretty sure she is, unless she fell under the 0.02% inaccuracy of home test kit.
yay! I'm so excited for her, though she didn't sound very excited about it herself. hehe...
Update me oki!!! I'm really happy for ya! =)
***
5mins later
My role in this came too late eh? haha... Still, I think you are crazy. Boredom, in your case, equates to being sick. haha
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:39
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"The hand that rocks the cradle"My Ma is on a short holiday to Taiwan with Janet (that would be my sister) since 5 days ago.
I think I gotta admit this. I'm a big baby girl, when it comes to my Ma. I share a lot of stories (inspired from tuition, work, friends, my sisters and dad, in that order) with her, and I think my Ma is a super intelligent (tho she often regrets that she didn't even finish primary 3), bubbly, positive, strong and cute (yes, cute) woman. Importantly, she's my buffer between my Pa and me when my Pa attempts (quite effortlessly) to drive me crazy with his need to repeat his questions 4 times (therefore, expects me to repeat my answer 4 times too). It goes something like...
Pa: Are you going out soon?
Me: Not yet.
Pa: You want me to give you a lift to the MRT station?
Me: No need. I'm not going out yet.
Pa: You want to go out soon? I can give you a lift.
Me: *sigh* Not yet...
Pa: What time you going out? I give you a lift, want or not?
Me: ...
Pa: You want a lift or not? (no response from me) Why you don't answer my question?
Me: ...
Pa: Are you going out? Want me to send you?
Me: ...
Pa: ...
Me: No. I can go on my own. No. You please go and start work now. BYEBYE!!!
Pa: Ok lah, so you don't want me to send you?
Me: BYE!!!
Sounds funny? Try being talked to like this at least once every day for at least 4 days in a week. I got my finest training in being patient from home.
Sorry for the digression. Now, back to my Ma.
Things are just a tad not quite right when my Ma's not at home. Actually, she goes on short holidays quite often, with her kakis from temple. And because I've been feeling rather moody for no real reason these few days, I started to think about whether my Ma's not being here has something to do with my mood.
Ye. Upon retrospect, I realise I'm always slightly more moody and irritable when my Ma is somewhere further than the geographical boundaries of Singapore. Ironically, it is not vice versa. Meaning, if I was the one out of the country, I won't have that same kinda feeling. Hmm...
Anyway, for those of you family friends reading in, thank you for asking. My Ma and Janet are safe in Taiwan. The typhoon dampened their spirits but didn't cause them any hurt. In fact, I just called them and my Ma sounded excited that she's now VERY updated about the latest Taiwan TV series and Hokkien songs - her activity since she's stranded in the hotel.
Well done, Mummy. *beams*
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:16
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July 01, 2004
Your Heart is Blue
What Color is Your Heart?
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-Spare me the crap! Send me a worthy man!